I agree. No one can have it all. Its important to set priorities. Many people need to make relaxing and interacting with their family a priority.

The American way of life$$$$$$.

Bring back the traditional family settings.

In America we are going against the grain in so many areas.
Our mothers are turning into dads there are less and less people getting married and it is like we don't hold strong to our traditions and values.
Everyone is out for the almighty dollar but, less and less people are making more money.
We need to go back to the traditional family setting. This is why we are falling so far behind amongst other countries in the world. We are not supporting our foundation which is the family.

The men need to work and the women need to be at home!!!!

With the way things are now the roles are very confusing and the duties for husband and wife gets a bit confusing.
We do not need this confusion and with more and more children being raised by one parent it will have a negative impact on our country because they are being deprived of being taught by both parents.

No where does it say that the children suffer, I believe the whole point is that mothers who work outside the home have less free time and sleep for THEMSELVES...

And PEEl Layer, get a grip, my grandmother worked outside the home, as did my mother and now I do( as a result of my husband wanting a divorce) after years of being a stay at home mom...women have ALWAYS worked outside the home, think of your teachers while you were growing up, I bet that the majority were women and 94% of nurses are women to this day, not to mention store clerks, secretaries, maids and housekeepers...only once women started competing more with men for higher paying and more prestigous jobs does a woman working outside the home become an issue

Lets do a crash course on the "traditional family." since there is always this mythology around it. The traditional family was an extended family. The nuclear family did not come into being until the industrial age. In the traditional family everyone worked together to support the household, often in a family business and everyone was also responsible for raising children. The industrial age tore that apart. The traditional family that is so often touted by people like Peel Layer, was limited to upper and middle class and propagandized in the 50's after the war. It was never real for all classes.

Some women always worked because they had to! It was never a choice for many. The powers that be and media often set women who work against women who can stay home so that that they fight with each other rather than work together to rectify the inequities that exist in our society. Societies that have extended family units are better at raising children because they are a more stable community.

The rich continue to get richer in our society and the less $$ you have creates more stress. We continue to erode the safety net for the lower classes, the unemployment rate is high. People who do work are expected to do twice as much now. How do you expect people to survive on one salary? It doesn't work. The idea that there is a choice is just false for many.

More women in business, especially in management postitions will eventually create a demand for a more balanced work life equation. I understand that men are hurting right now, as the impact of unemployment is higher on them, but sending women back home isn't the answer. Many men failed to develop the skills for the new economy - especially in the blue collar class and those were the jobs that were lost for a large part.

Peel Layer, your analysis is not grounded in reality.

More....

By the way, women who stay at home are working women too. If we really valued our children and stay at home moms, why don't women get paid for their work! They don't get retirement, social security, or benefits. They have to depend on thier spouses for that. Their well being and the well being of the children is completely dependant on the ability of the father to bring home a decent wage. Since domestic violence is still a big problem in our society, it puts many women who do stay home in a very tenous position. It also doesn't recognize the economic power and productivity of "women's work" which is the core of the economy.

If we had real familiy values, women who stayed at home would get the benefits of paid workers. Also, we would pay child care workers and teachers more. They are very low paid. I find that all the rhetoric around "family values" is just that: rhetoric. We don't put our money where our mouth is. All the talk about family values, etc is largely a smokescreen to keep us distracted.

Working fathers are stressed out. They are expected to bring home more money for longer careers than women, requiring them to commute and work more hours while assuming a greater share of household and childcare duties.

Tiredofshortmemories wrote "If we really valued our children and stay at home moms, why don't women get paid for their work! "

Stay at home mothers have their lives funded entirely by the working father. It is only through the work of this father that stay-at-home mothers are enabled to , well, stay at home. What is remarkable is that men continue to support women this way while women refuse to support a man in this way.

Exactly who would be "paying" the stay at home mothers? The husband? Oh wait he already is... The fact that you get half of everything he makes means you are being "paid". Now you want a "paycheck" on top of that?

I'd love nothing more than to stay home with my daughter all day and cook dinner for my family every night. Unfortunately, my wife doesn't make enough at her job for me to quit mine and stay home...

To Vincent Denali...

I have a stay at home husband and I work very hard to support our family. And before you say it, no, I have never once told him he had to work to support me or our family. Instead of turning this issue into a "well he works so she doesn't have to," or a "well she works because he stays home"...can't we just agree that it's about what's best for the children?

I personally feel very blessed to have a husband who is willing to put aside gender stereotyping to stay home with our sons.

To Vincent, I work outside the home and my husband is the stay at home parent. He works driving kids, organizing appointments, groceries etc. (I still get laundry duty.) So it's not all Dad's supporting Mom's. We had a sick child and I had the better benefits and secure job, so it works for us.

Still, women continue to spend more time than men on housework and child care, even when both spouses are working full-time.

So much for women's lib.

Women who stay at home provide a service to their families by staying home and taking care of the household and children. People who have the means often pay for these services. I am just saying that we really don't value women's work. Do women who stay at home get social security? What happens to them if their spouses leave, or die. Bottom line, I just don't think that the structure of the family in our culture works well. There is too much stress on the nuclear family. We have lost the community. For much of human history, child rearing was teh responsibility of the extended family or the community. If you look at many tribal communities (not the male dominant patriarchal tribes) that is how it is done and the children are happy and well adjusted.

I am just saying that telling women to go back home isn't the right answer. It doesn't solve the problem, it just creates others and the burden of those others (single mothers, spouse abuse, lack of resources) is carried by women. What we need is for communities to be willing to pay for and provide the services so that children are cared for......

I do not think that most of us are trying to get rich, most working moms do so out of necessity not because they want to. The cost of housing, food and the bare necessities of life require both parents to work outside the home and as they costs continue to rise it will only get worse. I just try and have quality time when I do have time at home with my children!!

Actually, it's very hard for there to be one working parent and one stay at home parent. In our current society/economy it's extremely difficult to support a family on one income. Not only that, but why should a woman be completely dependant on a man? I was for six years. I never will be again. Granted he wasn't the most stand up guy, but I don't like the whole "I make the money, I can spend it how I want" thing constantly being thrown at me. Now I'm a single mom. And I could stay at home, at the expense of the tax payer. But I prefer to work. And my children aren't lacking because of it. Too bad they didn't include single moms in this study. I bet the stress levels would have been even higher :)

That's a false choice you've given women.Women are simply trying to find balance, not trying to "have it all". That's just the handy excuse used to argue women shouldn'thave the right to pursue any role other than housewife or mother. Really, aren't we a bit beyond that by now?? The vast majority of women with children work. Yes, many of us because we actually WANT to work. And many of us are donig just fine--along with our children--our husbands --and yes, our careers.

Median household income in the US in $46,326.  And that includes a whole lot of households with 2 people working.  The main problem is that wages simply haven't kept up with the cost of living, so it takes 2 salaries to pay the same family expenses that a man could earn on his own in the 1950's.

The data we present here reveal that, for the period 1979-2000, married-couple families with children increased their hours worked by 16 percent, or almost 500 annual hours. Yet the data also demonstrate that without the increase in women's work, middle-quintile families would have experienced an average real income increase of only 5 percent — instead of the actual 24 percent — while families in the bottom two quintiles would have experienced a decrease in real income over that period — by about 14 percent for the bottom quintile and about 5 percent for the second quintile.

And that data only goes through 2000 - real wages DECLINED 2.5% during the last decade, erasing all of workers' gains back to 1978.

Here's areally interesting chart from the NY Times that shows where the record increase in GDP from those years went.

The drop has been especially notable, economists say, because productivity — the amount that an average worker produces in an hour and the basic wellspring of a nation's living standards — has risen steadily over the same period.

As a result, wages and salaries now make up the lowest share of the nation's gross domestic product since the government began recording the data in 1947, while corporate profits have climbed to their highest share since the 1960's. UBS, the investment bank, recently described the current period as "the golden era of profitability."

The GOP likes to accuse people of "class warfare" when they talk about these issues, but they've been waging war on American families for 10 years. It's time to fight back.

The NY Times chart is here:

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2006/08/28/business/28wages_chart.html

Now, all of you giving moms a hard time for working, please offer your solutions to this issue.

tiredofshortmemories wrote " I am just saying that we really don't value women's work. Do women who stay at home get social security? "

The husband effectively shares halfof his SS for him. When she outlives him, which American women do by five years, she continues to receive his SS.

Then, we can bring up the fact that women contribute less SS during their working lives all while retiring earlier. If we assume that man + women retire at 65 and women live until 80 while men live until 75, we can see that women on average draw 50% more SS.

Single Mom-2755498 wrote " I am just saying that we really don't value women's work. Do women who stay at home get social security? "

Here's your solution, single mom : get married and don't divorce.

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2006/08/28/business/28wages_chart.html

We know that women are paid less, and that it is entirely due to the female choice of work. Nearly 100% of workplace fatalities are men. Why aren't women encouraged to assume their share of dangerous work. To women, work is an air-conditioned office with a computer, a phone for 35 hours per week with more sick days, more half days, more WFH and more unpaid leave. Women are able to trade a higher quality of work life for more pay, but they don't want to. If I had a magic hole that enticed a spouse to make the bulk of the household income, I wouldn't hesitate to use it, either.

I agree with you 100%. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Former Republican - I am a single working mom; would you be surprised to know that everyone in my community knows my son? I may work, but my little family is definitely part of our community. I think the real problem is the "Soccer Mom" mentality - that we always have to be doing one thing or another. Meanwhile, the yards aren't getting played in and the community suffers because nobody is ever home, even the stay at home parents. I have made it my mission to never over extend myself or my kid; because it just isn't worth the stress and the hassle.

@Nat: You said it! Just because parents work outside the home doesn't mean communities suffer.

That is because even people that claim to only sleep six hours per night sleep more than they want to admit, even to themselves.

APA Guy - I didn't sign on for this "liberation". I wanted to be the stay at home mom who was "barefoot and pregnant" and made sure that dinner was on the table when my husband got home. That may sound antiquated, but it's what I wanted. However, it will probably never happen because everyone has gotten greedy and raised the rates on everything to a point where people can't live unless both parents have jobs!

The difference between today and 30-40 years ago is that husbands were paid a "workman's wage"--a salary that took into consideration a man had a family to support. Employers understood the husband's salary supported not just himself but a wife and kids, too. A wife could stay home and take care of the kids.

Believe me, I would love to stay home and take care of the household but we both have to work to cover basic expenses. We live very frugally, don't take lavish vacations, and still struggle to cover the day-to-day costs of living. My husband is in the military so we have a fixed income. If we need extra money for things like Christmas or car repairs, it means I'm the one who works extra hours to bring in the extra funds.

Meanwhile, the house is usually a wreck and I have to stay up till the wee hours to get laundry done, but in light of the crappy economy, I'm grateful to have a roof over my head and a job to go to every day. We are hoping once our son goes to college we'll be able to move to a quiet little cabin in the country and live with a lot less.

So, what is your response to the men who look at all women as vampyric harpies if we even think about the prospect of staying home to take care of families? The men who tell women to get abortions because they don't want to marry the women or pay child support? The men who string women along for years until they can't have children anymore, and then go get women 20 years younger?

Men want women who stay home and take care of everything, go out and party and impress everyone with their credentials andd accomplishments, and then demand nothing. That's not happening, so get over it. Everyone's stressed out because life is particularly stressful right now. There's no other way to look at it.

APA: Your fantasy of the "good ol' days" before the liberation movement is just that...a fantasy. I for one would not be eager to return to the days when a woman had to get her husband or father to sign for a mortgage or even a car loan (that was in before the 1970's...not the 1870's)...when women who worked (yes some of us wanted to even back then) had to comb through the "women's section" of the employment ads. Is it hard these days to balance the hours in the day with a family? Sure--but that's what being a fully functioning grownup will bring you: choices...yours to make of what you will.

APA Guy - Newsflash - women are still doing the vast majority of childcare and housework chores even though they're working as much as their husbands. It's not "welcome to a man's world, ladies", it's "keep your old jobs and get another one, too." If men were pulling 50% of the housework and childcare, they'd understand. Until then, we need to stop electing old white men with no clue of these things to vote for us.

Single Mom-2755498 wrote "women are still doing the vast majority of childcare and housework chores even though they're working as much as their husbands."

Working women on average have a lower financial contribution to the household. if you inspect the US Dept. of Labor report by CONSAD (2009), the primary reason is that women work fewer hours for wages than men, even in full-time work. If men were pulling 50% of the housework and childcare while contributing the majority or entirety of income, that would be unfair indeed.

Old white men and male invention have done an excellent job of pulling us away from picking termites from the mound for lunch. The reason is revealed with a simple question : name the jobs that women are able to do better than men. Competing with a male is difficult, even for men.

You're right! The worst part is that the women suffer along with the career and the children.

While men are giving their all to their job and families.

"Mother Susan", please spare us the victim act. You write as though men NEVER have to tend to any business once they leave work.

...and with all due respect, if a woman chooses to work and doesn't DEMAND that a man pull his weight at home in her absence, then she bears the responsibility for such a choice. Men have never had the choice of working and balancing responsibilities at home. It is, and always has been, REQUIRED. Working women are just now understanding this balance.

Oh, and I'm not a therapist. I'm just a working dad who has balanced these responsibilities...for decades...without complaint.

APA Guy - As I've told my husband numerous times - what you, as Dad, do (if you have the mother of your children around) is completely different than what we do as women/mothers. Yes, you may go to work and then come home and spend time with the kids...but, it's different when you have to get up, make sure that not only you, but your child(ren) is ready to go in the morning. Head off to daycare and then work. Spend your day trying to get work done at work, but all the time worrying/thinking about what's going on with your kids. Make sure all the errands get taken care of after work, plus figuring out what you're going to make for dinner. Get home, do laundry, clean the house, actually fix the dinner I mentioned before, do the dishes from said dinner (in my case that includes more bottles than I thought manufactures made in a year!), make sure everything's ready for the next day, get the kids and you ready for bed, read a story, rock the fussy baby, etc to bed. Finally you fall exhausted into bed only have your husband give you a kiss and make some attempt at asking for sex. I'm sure there's more, but this is all my mommy brain can come up with for now. Did I mention that Dad is normally sitting on the couch/playing on the computer to "relax" all while I'm running around the house in a whirlwind? Yeah, that's a small look at life as a wife/mother! And, remember, this is coming from a woman who didn't sign on for this "liberation". Why should I be "punished" for something women who came before me set in motion?

APA Guy --

I agree with you . . . key words being "chooses" and "DEMANDS."

But society is not necessarily set up to allow for such choice and demand by women. Men may have always been expected to balance work and family, and I would never say that was easy, but they have also been supported by society in their demand for free time. Women have not. And yes, I think women need to demand it and support each other in demanding it. I'm pretty sure men will respect them more if they do that.

BTW, I am not pulling a victim act. I myself have always been very lucky to have some degree of choice involved. And I applaud you and all the working dads who don't complain.

Mostly I just don't understand how any working parent manages to get more than 8 hours of sleep a night.

Now I gotta get to work while the kids are still at school.

Mother Susan wrote "Working dads have not suffered the same way"

Of course working dads have suffered. They are expected to bring home more money for longer careers than the woman. To keep that career, men work longer hours and sustain longer commutes. Modern female culture shifts more household and childcare duties from the woman to the man. Since 70% of divorces are filed by women, usually for no reason other than unfilled romantic expectations, men suffer much more.

Back up your stats with references, Vince.

Vince isn't bitter or anything...

Check Vincent's posting history. Most are rants about how bad men have it since women broke the chain attaching them to the stove.

Yeah, Vince, 70% of divorces are filed by women - mostly for adultery and domestic abuse. It'd be kind of surprising if men were the ones running in for a divorce when they've done those things, now wouldn't it?

In fact, I'd say that the low percentage of men filing for divorce shows that most women are honorable and doing everything they can to keep their family intact. The men have no grounds for divorce.

Single Mom-2755498 wrote "Yeah, Vince, 70% of divorces are filed by women - mostly for adultery and domestic abuse. "

You watch too much drama TV made for female audiences. Women file for divorce is emotional unfulfillment and lack of material fulfillment (money).

Women excel at playing the victim role with the effective claim : 70% of divorces are due to faults in the husband and so are the other 30%.

SingleMom-2755498 wrote "In fact, I'd say that the low percentage of men filing for divorce shows that most women are honorable"

Women have a financial incentive for divorce under current divorce law and typically walk away with the bulk of the assets and children. It seems that women are unable to keep their marital commitments for more than an average of six years.

Men don't file for divorce because they see that family court will effectively de-parent them.

"Working" refers to generating household income, but no one is saying that stay-at-home moms do not perform work. Of course, they do. Stay-at-home moms are enabled by their male partner's income.

Or, at least in two couples that we know, female partners.

mary0816b wrote "how freakin tough anyone's life is unless she/he is, and has no choice about it, a SINGLE working mother or father on one income"

Women have complete control over their reproduction. With 40% of births out of wedlock, and women filing for 70% of the divorces, there is no reason to feel sorry for single mothers unless the father of the children died.

Just a couple of thoughts, Vincent:

• What about victims of rape and incest?

• Men also have 100 % of control over their reproduction. For every baby born, there's a dad out there, so don't blame the whole of womanhood for single mothers. The "single" mother of a child shoulders her responsibility while the daddy goes off, plays, makes more babies and continues to live the single life, without responsibility for the children he fathers.

C NJ Mom wrote "What about victims of rape and incest?"

Female victims of such crimes still have complete control over their reproduction. if they are not already taking birth control, abortion pill and abortion will provide their solution.

" so don't blame the whole of womanhood for single mothers."

Birth is the choice of the woman. There is nothing short of a violent crime that a man can do to halt the delivery of a baby.

"without responsibility for the children he fathers."

That old-fashioned mentality disappeared with the advent of birth control. The inventors of the mass-produced Pill thought it would be the solution to children born out of wedlock. Instead, the Pill only prevents women from delivering unwanted babies. 40% of US births are out-of-wedlock. Her body,her choice.

You can have it all - just not all at the same time!

Shopping, TV, recreation.

Couldn't agree more, best comment so far.

So glad someone else feels this way! I am a full time working mom and my husband is a supervisor at a trucking company and works 10-12 hr days with an hour commute each way and also ends up working from home on his days off. I struggle to find the time to get all the household chores done, work, spend quality time with my kids, help with homework, and spend time with my husband. My kids get only1 activity each but we have to run around for that also. I volunteer at my church which I feel is very important to be involved in something for my community, but this also decreases the time I have at home. My husband helps as much as he can, but on his working days, he just isn't home in time to help with dinner, homework.

Working moms have so much less time to do the exact same amount of household duties as stay at home moms. I still have the same amount of laundry, the same dirty dishes, the same homework, the same outside activities, but I miss out on 10 hours a day that I could incorporate that other work while watching my kids. We live a very meager lifestyle, but it still takes both our salaries.

On my last maternity leave, I had a newborn and a 3 yr old home with me everyday and I had all the housework done and had plenty of time to do other things, so I know it's much easier to not work outside the home. If you're at home, you can cook, or clean and do laundry while spending quality time with your kids. Then when your spouse gets home, you can spend quality time with them because you're not up cleaning once the kids go to bed! Especially once your kids are school aged, and you choose not to go back to work- you have a whole 7-8 hours to yourself to get housework done, or engage in activities you enjoy.

Great comment! I agree 100%.

My Husband and I have one child, by choice, because we knew that we could not comfortably afford more than that on his teaching salary alone with a mortgage, college savings, and basic living expenses to deal with.

I am a SAHM Mom by choice and have been since 2004 when I had my Daughter. We have given up a lot, made major sacrifices, and do not own ANY of the fancy gadgets that a lot of 2 income families have. I've been fine with the sacrifices, and feel that being home these last 6 years has been wonderful for my family. However, with the $$$ greed in this country and our taxes going through the roof here in NJ, Governor Christie may be ending my SAH choice for me and sending me back to work very soon as he completely financially destroys Teachers in the state of NJ.

I'll probably wind up cleaning one or two houses a week for the really wealthy Mom's in my town while they are all out shopping, luxuriating and having Spa Days that most REAL SAHM's never do. I'm not complaining though. My Husband has been my income for the last 6 years, so it won't hurt me to get out once or twice a week for a few hours a morning and earn a few exta dollars to help out my family. I'll never go back to full time though-I'd never be able to handle the stress of that, plus be the primary caretaker of our child (my Husband has some health issues and doesn't help out with our Daughter, nor do I expect him to as I am home all day).

As a final note, I have NEVER felt guilty about being a SAHM-I know how stressed I was when I worked multiple jobs for many years. I did not want to bring that into my marriage after we had a child. Being home has allowed me to be a lot less stressed, even though we have far less material junk than two income families.

With the exception of those two income families that truly need the extra income, most families can have the choice to have a parent SAH if they just tried to live on much less than they really need to.

Don't blame Gov. Christie for the teachers' plight - blame the teachers' union!

It's sad and illogical that you're blaming unions, when union jobs are some of the few in this country that CAN still support a family. The rest of the workforce is in a race for the minimum wage jobs at McDonalds and Walmart. And it's not that the money isn't there to pay a living wage, it's just being siphoned off by corporations and their wealthy shareholders:

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2006/08/28/business/28wages_chart.html

But as long as those greedy SOB's can keep you pointing your finger at working people as the problem, they can keep hogging the trough. Wise up!

dawnm - Over 50% of American marriages end in divorce (most often due to the husband's infidelity.) Many mothers don't have your choice.

Single Mom-274498, you clearly have not read single book on the American divorce industry. Financial incentives, including passing the legal costs of the proceedings to the husband, are the primary reason for divorce. The primary motivation is shift in female attitudes as to the purpose of marriage as they no longer consider a male-female couple necessary in the development of children and instead see marriage as a vehicle for emotional fulfillment. Very few men are capable of doing that, and even women aren't able to provide that emotional fufillment.

Mothers currently have all of the power in the family. Men are only beginning to organize as well as the Marxist Feminists have for the previous forty years.

Now tht's absud. Would you claim fathers don't care about their children because they earn a living?

GBuilders wrote "She has a God giving ability to multitask that I can not do."

Most higher-paying jobs require the God-given ability to concentrate, not multitask. Just ask your wife if she would be willing to make more money than a teacher in a dangerous, outdoor job requiring hard manual labor or in a lab working long hours in near isolation.