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Subscribe to RSSThere’s a dirty little secret working mothers have been keeping: They’re happy.
A new study found that nearly eight out of ten employed mothers are enjoying being a working parent. So much for the endless talk about working mommy guilt, the mommy track and overloaded mommies.
According to a poll by Care.com, an online caregiver resource, 78 percent of working mothers say they take pleasure in the daily grind; and 50 percent said that their own career serves as a great example for their kids.
“Most love being a great role model for their children and many feel more creative and motivated as a working-parent and even feel they add a better perspective at their jobs now that they are moms," said Katie Bugbee, managing editor of Care.com, which polled 1,000 women with children under 18 last month. (There were about 20 million working mothers with kids under 18 in the United States last year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.)
In more working mommy good news, the study also found that toiling moms seem to be finding the support they need at home; and they have big plans for their career futures.
The study found:
- 77 percent have a spouse or partner who participates in raising the kids.
- 89 percent said their significant other supported their career goals.
- 64 percent said they feel work demands don’t interfere with their ability to be a good parent.
- 58 percent have a goal to move higher in the professional ranks.
- 78 percent said they don’t feel they were passed over for a promotion due to lack of work commitment.
- And 29 percent actually said they fee more productive after becoming a parent.
The findings weren’t all rosy, especially when it comes to childcare.
The study found that nearly three out of four companies where the working moms were employed did not offer childcare benefits. And about 39 percent had to miss work during the year because of childcare issues.
"This survey makes it clear that much still needs to be done in the workplace to support them in motherhood,” Bugbee said.
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In the meantime who's smacking your kid around by whoever you left it with? Go ahead and lie to youself thateverything is running swimmingly.
ooohhh...aren't we just a wee bit judgemental?? Good thing parents never "smack around kids"...Keep thinking all that stay at home stuff is just running swimmingly....
There have ALWAYS been women in the workforce, how old were you before you had a male teacher? ( 8th grade for me), or how do you think certain professions got to be female dominated ( nurses for example)?
Why do we not see survey's of "working dads" to see how they feel about juggling work and raising their children? Why does it seem we leave the dads out of the equation? they have just as much to offer, just as much at stake but the mom's are almost always the focus of parenting issues, especially the working mom and single mom issues..
Interesting article and much to think about. A few questions came to mind as I went through it:
While I found the article interesting and thought provoking, it did evoke additional questions also worthy of considering.
The religious right will continue to try cramming this myth down the throats of "evil" women who have been "brainwashed" by feminism, until the end of time
I hadn't read that anywhere on here until you said it, Christine.... Just sayin...
Actually, fingers-1806933, my mom watches the kids while I work, and unless you want to pay for me to stay home with my kids, I'd shut up and stop being a judgmental d0uche-canoe.
BS, It is hell!!! If you are ok with having someone take care of your kids and are happy you shoudnt be a mom, I know a lot of us need to work, I am a single mom, and it is heartbreaking to not be there when they need us. I love working but hate being a working mom
gt: knock off the mommy wars stuff and hold the judgement. Many women work because they love their kids. They have a work ethic, love enstilling that in their kids, want to provide for them and feel just like any man leading a fullfilling life. Just because you're in hell...don't blame it on everyone else. Stop the useless judging that you're the only one who loves your kids BECAUSE you hate working....Just what century are you in? shame on you.
Really? You shouldn't be a mom if you're not guilt ridden and tormented by the prospect of daycare? I love all these judgmental people.
Do I like leaving my kids every morning? No. Is it worth the five hours they're aware I'm not around to provide them with food, a house, toys, diapers, formula, and any other necessities? Yes. I'm still the first one they see every morning and the last person they see every night. My husband and I work very hard to ensure that our kids have everything they need, will be able to go to college with no loans, and can experience a great life with a great example of what hard work is. I'd say that's better than sitting at home with my kid and being on welfare like so many mothers.
Good, hope the day care educates them instils values and morals! while you all fullfill your dreams! And if you are not guilty you sure have strong opinions haha, I didnt say we dont have to work i said I have a heart and it kills me to leave her
FYI: Being a parent is a lot of guilty and worry. Just what it is.
I assure you, a desk job isn't my dream, nor am I any less of a parent than a stay at home mom because I work. The instilling of morals, values, and manners is a 24/7 kind of thing, not a from the hours of 8-5 kind of thing. Same goes for education. It boggles my mind how closed minded you are. Truly.
..was that a sentence?
Well and being a working single mom who has no financial help from my ex was not my dream, and I have a hard time leaving my daughter. Just make sure the money is worth missing out on your kids. I´m not on wellfare or sitting on my couch but what we should teach our daughters is to choose a fullfiling career that allows us to be good mothers and present in our childrens life.
...isn't that what the article is focusing on?
Pretty sure it is, Salias101.
No job is 100%. I love my job but there are aspects I loathe, just like there are aspects of staying at home with the kids people don't like. It's a compromise regardless. The point of the article isn't that it isn't hard for a working mom to drop their kid off and go to work. The point of the article is that women, rather than being as guilt stricken as believed, are pretty okay with doing what they have to do to provide for their family.
so far I have worked FT when my husband was home with our baby, worked PT , was a stay at home mom when my 2nd was born, now a divorced mom of 2 teenagers who works FT...every stage has had its rewards and difficulties, moments of guilt and moments of pride...face it, the point is to be the best parent you can be, and for some that means being home, for some it is more career oriented..can't we just judge less?
gt: if you want to leave it up to day care to "instill" values, that's up to you (good luck with that: do you look to your child's teachers to take over for you as well?). Abandon your parental duties because you work--that's just nonsense. If you're a miserable mom...well that's your problem to fix. Don't blame work for that one. (your kid sure as hell won't).
So, GT, my kids were in daycare from birth. I worked because I chose to, not because I needed the money.
We had dinner together as a family every night. We took family vacations. One of us taught Sunday School; the other was a Scout leader.
They are now 31 and 33. Both are educated, working professionals, building families of their own. Both are supporting their wives in their careers...one, a librarian, the other, a retail shop owner. Both still love to come home...and come home at least twice a year. They are also very close friends, and stay in touch on a weekly basis electronically. Each has made an independent commitment to philanthropy. One is active in local politics as he believes building a stronger community is important. They each spend time with elderly grandparents and help with their care.
They were in day care, and they learned to get along with a wide variety of people. They had lots of good experiences, as well as some that weren't as good. Kind of like life itself.
Taking children to day care does NOT mean you leave it up to day care to instill values. That comes from us, the parents. And among our values is that using the skills God gave each of us to the best of our ability, contributing to family and to society, is important. That respecting differences in people is important. That family is important. That the community is important.
Abandon parental duties? Never.
I was raised by a stay-at-home mom. She is wonderful, too. Her choices adn options were both different than mine. But just because she was a stay-at-home mom didn't mean she spent more time with me than I did with my kids. Her work was around the home. Monday was wash day, down in the basement. I played outside with friends, even before I was in kindergarten. Tuesday was ironing...Dad needed white dress shirts, pressed and starched. That took her most of the day. I played outside with friends... She didn't have a car, so she took the red wagon to the grocery store so she could bring the bags of groceries home...and there wasn't room for both me and the groceries in the wagon. I played outside with friends... She put the storm windows up in fall, took them down in spring. She reglazed the windows when they needed it. She kept a vegetable garden, and a flower garden. She cleaned the house, and when it needed it, she painted the rooms. She vacuumed, dusted, changed beds...a full time job. The wonders of science have given us easy-care fabrics, combination windows, and I can afford to hire someone to clean and paint, and I go to a farmer's market rather than raise my own garden.
So she was a stay-at-home mom, but also a working mother. Her job was the house. Mine is in the professional world. And I don't see a huge difference in the way we raised our kids. I was outside playing; my kids were playing at daycare.
I don't think I have any blame to give...on Mom's part, or mine.
I think the problem here is the word "unhappy". Am I unhappy being a full time supervisor and a part time mom, no, but would I RATHER be home with my kids, of course! I love my job but yes I do feel a bit guilty. But I know I'm doing what I have to do to put food on the table and a roof over their heads.
We can't have as much time with them as they did generations ago, but we can make the time we DO have mean something. Dinner together at the table with no t.v. or phones is my rule and we all talk about our day. I tell them about stuff at work and we laugh and they tell me about P.E. and the weird substitute. It helps with my guilt and it keeps us connected.
Survey conducted by online caregiver resource? No conflict of interest here. Let's see, our job is to put working parents together with people who might get paid to take care of their children.
Probably wouldn't do to put out results that say working mothers are over stressed and unhappy.
As a working mom, I agree with this. I enjoy what I do and I love being a mom. I work 3 12hour shifts a week at night so I'm home with them almost every single day. My inlaws watch the kids once a week so I can sleep and my husband's days off are the other 2 days that I sleep. Contrary to ignorance of some people, everything is going well. My kids are happy, healthy and strong. And because of my career, we are able to afford to take our kids on vacations and do most of what we want to do without worrying about putting ourselves in debt. We're teaching our girls how important a strong work ethic is as well as financial responsibilty.
Id take it you are a nurse...?
The reality is, that regardless of how mothers think about it, the children do pay the price. It shows. Children are more aggressive, they are "growing up" younger, they are more troubled than ever. Latchkey kids are a sad sad part of this novel social experiment. And yes, it IS a social experiment. Foisted upon us by who else..? the greedy filthy rich. They have managed to rig the system to where no longer is mom the pinch hitter if dad is laid off. Now we have a "two income trap". Its a book - read it. No longer can MOST families survive on one income. Moms dont choose to work while leaving the care of their children in the hands of minimum-wage strangers, as much as they are now compelled to. The compelling power comes from the fact that the entire economy has been recalibrated so that no longer is the second income a way to get ahead or to pick up the slack when something happens to dad. Now its required just to pay the basic expenses. It has made the family less able to deal with financial emergencies, and it has also compromised the well-being of children. Motherhood is a full-time job, and I dont believe for a second that the full-time employee who also happens to be a mother, is truly providing all the security, emotional support and guidance a child needs to grow into a healthy well adjusted adult. We see the results around us every day. Its like Lord of the Flies out there. This social experiment is bound to die away - the sooner the better. It isnt backwards thinking that has established the millenia-old and worldwide "tradition" of the mom at home and the dad out working (or hunting). It has been that way for the human species since... well - forever. And for a good reason. It was pragmatic, it was fair and equal division of labor. We may think we can rearrange millenia of biological programming and behavior with no ill effects, but we can not. Societies that go off in odd tangents such as working moms, are doomed to failure. And this society is indeed the Great American Experiment - and its been smoking and fuming for a while, and looks like its starting to bubble over - I think it might be time to clear the room before this failed experiment explodes. Its only been a bit over 30 years since moms started short-shrifting thier children by spending the majority of their waking hours at the office. Thats about two generations of children, and the damage is evident all around us.
Let's see, my mom worked full time with no maternity leavewith 7 kids. Three doctors, two engineers, a lawyer, and a pHd in biochemistry. We're all pretty well adjusted, normal people, with spouses and families of our own.
What you diatribe about has more to do with parents not being parents than having two working parents.
Strength in Nubers: Pay the price??? just what CENTURY are you from? How many studies and evidence do you need before you stop the inane blaming of working mothers for all parental failures? This is one survey and it's backed up by countless studies that show there is no difference whatsoever in the adjustment, maturity, skills or abilities of kids of working mothers. What absolute nonsense you spout. Your personal insecurities and prejudices are showing. If you want to demand your wife stay at home with your kids, that's your business. Stop looking to everyone else to justify your prejudices.
Theres more to life than a job title, Emanuelle - glad to hear if you were the exception to the rule. Regardless, motherhood is not something to be juggled into a woman's schedule, and I reiterate - there is a reason why historically and globally, within societies that never had contact with each other, the traditional role is mother homemaker and father as breadwinner. And it has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with what is pragmatic, and what works. The working mother as norm situation we have now is a 30 year old experiment. If it were conducive to happy people and healthy communities, it would have established itself in societies around the world a long time ago. You can think you are the modern man bucking the trend, but its not likely. This society is already in decline. And absentee mothers is just one tiny fragment of the problem. When the Free Market supplants all else, including family, and true pursuit of happiness (and not just a paycheck) it cannot end well.
None of you can see past 30 years, can you. As though millennia of human society, culture and wisdom have absolutely no value in today's forward-thinking ever so clever society. This is an experiment, a 30 year old one, and it is harming children. This society can try to convince itself to the contrary, but ultimately, history and common sense will win this debate. Try as you might to alter the nature of things, you cannot do it without a cost. In this case, the cost is the cohesiveness of the family. "Old fashioned" ways are not just quaint footnotes of history. The traditional division of labor in the family was not passed from one society to the next from some law. It evolved naturally because it was the ideal way to successfully raise children that had the highest chances to thrive. That wasnt a mistake, and it wasnt coincidence. 30 years isnt even a blink in human history. I repeat, this is a societal experiment, and one that will not stand the test of time.
SIN - what authorities are you citing here? You do realize that throughout most of human history families all stayed home and worked together farming, etc. - mothers weren't "home" "raising" their kids - everyone was home and the kids were working alongside the parents. Child labor was the norm for millenia - should that be rethought too? And those wealthy landowners lucky enough not to have to labor? Children were fed by wet-nurses and raised by servants. You do understand that the modern family "ideal" (stay at home mom, working dad) is in its infancy on the human history timeline, don't you? Stop comparing apples (modern industrial society) to oranges (earlier hunter/gatherer, then agrarian, society). The stay at home mom with the sole focus on her children's well-being is the exception throughout historty, not the rule.
Emanuelle
I'm sure that's how you view yourselves, but "well adjusted" and "normal", I'd say that would be pretty much impossible.
Uh, my kids go to school. They learn, they socialize and they experience life. I work, set a good example for my kids, and I'm there when they need me. Have I missed out on classroom parties? Yes, but my kids understand and appreciate the time we spend together. I would go nuts sitting at home all day while my children were in school. What do SAHMs do all freaking day?!?!?! I would go nuts!
Maybe kids aren't meant for everyone?
That's true enough. Work is besides the point. some people are really lousy parents period.
Well let's change that and keep the workplace discrimination back in business. That should keep them women at the place where they belong.
Troll harder.
Yes, and if Rick Santorum's evil public school system is disbanded...maybe we could put all those terrible women who work back into their 'rightful' assigned roles homeschooling! Maybe we can just be done with it and say this is the 1950's and pretend women can't WAIT to be told what their "calling" is.
Of course nobody would willingly admit they feel any kind of guilt being a full-time worker and a part-time mom.
No one is ever a part time mom...and why aren't dad's ever asked these questions or subject to his kind of judgement?
No such thing as a part time mom. But you go right ahead and whine anyway.
Rick Santorum is going to be PRETTY TICKED OFF when he finds this out!
Not as much as the children of these "happy" moms. Bye mom, see you after dark. And don't forget to pick up a pizza on your way home.
I work full-time and I make a home cooked dinner every evening. No take out of fast food here. I do homework with my kids and I'm the first face they see every day and the last person to hug and kiss them every night. You have such a negative attitude, perhaps your mom just didn't love you.
Mom,
That means you see your kids about 3 hours of daylight each day and you spend 11 hours of daylight commuting and working. Looks like the kids lose. I hope your blood pressure is OK burning the candle at both ends.
Making a whole lot of assumptions there, aren't you? Whatever works for you. I'm happy being a mom to twins and being a provider and example for my kids.
I make a home cooked meal every night after work. My 2 year old helps, and my 9 month old naps during that time. I go in at 6:30 in the morning and come home at 4. My husband goes to work at 11, my mom watches the kids from 11-4. Five hours they are with a family member.
You can judge all you want, but they are never without a loving family member attending to them.
Yes, and it is interesting to me that people by and large still assume that the women should give up her career and stay home. What about men - don't they love their children too? Nobody is laying a guilt trip on them for going to work. Now days some wives make more than their spouse so why should they give up their career?
Roadwarrior: what do you do...just troll sites looking for places to spread your mysogeny? Any other hobbies? ...isn't your finger getting a bit tired yet from all that wagging you do? Get a life...
It's personal preference and depends on how much you value your time with the children. I have a sister with an engineering degree who quit after two years to be with her kids full time. A niece served as district attorney for four years and quit to be a full-time mom. A sister-in-law with an engineering degree work five years and quit to be a full-time mom. They wouldn't have it any other way because the kids grow up so fast, and at the blind an eye, they are grown up and gone.
"Personal preference" but then you define that as those who value time with their children and those who don't?? every mother you know quit her profession and is happy? Yeah, no bias there. If it's gone in the blink of an eye and the duty of parents...I can presume you, guy, stayed home full time with them or did you get your moniker AFTER they grew up? Hypocrite.
AP,
If they are not happy after quitting their jobs, they can always go back to work, but they chose not to. Some get their gratification from going up the corporate ladder. Others prefer being around their kids as much as possible and do all sorts of growing-up things with them.
No, they can't always go back to their jobs.
And a problem in society today are helicopter parents who won't let go, who build their whole lives around their kids instead of having lives of their own.
There is more than one "right" way to raise healthy, happy children who grow into wonderful adults. And more than one "wrong" way.
AP,
Also I said nothing about "duty of the parents". You do what you want to do. You decide what is important to you. Enjoy your kids because they don't stay kids very long.
@Emanuelle
Obviously you have a wonderful situation. The problem though is not everyone has local and/or available family members able to be daycare. Most kids I know go to a daycare facility or home daycare including my own. That's definitely not the same situation.
You women better like working because the politicians and businesses have spent the last forty years making sure one full time worker in the family could never afford to pay for all the excessive bills and costs there are to sustain a household in America today. They force everyone in the family to go to work and then they wonder why people don't have as many children as years ago??? Thanks alot.....
Gathering information from mom's who have children between newborns to 18 year old teenagers is too broad of a population to make the generalized claim working mom's are not unhappy. New mom's have different responsibilities to adapt and adjust to when compared to a mother whose child is about to become an adult. Consequently, mom's with older children are not as time-intensive when compared with a young child who is learning how to become independent with self-soothing, feeding, going to the bathroom, language acquisition, etc. All stages are demanding, but they're definitely different enough.
The real question behind the "happiness" factor are how balanced and supported are these working mom's within their communities?
For women, the key to keeping enough oxytocin (stress-reducing hormone for women--it's testosterone for men) in their bodies to off-set the chronic excess levels of cortisol (stress-producing hormone) is feeling connected and nurtured to and by those they care about. Oxytocin release is inhibited when women feel: rushed, ignored, unsupported, overwhelmed, or alone. This gets into how resilient is each mom to tap into her support network so she remains stress-free and balanced as she works and parents.
Of course they're happy, who wants to spend all day with a pack of screaming brats that leak all over everything?
I freaking hate being a working mom, so this article is just so much BS
Gee Deb: that's scientific. You hate being a working mom so no one else enjoys it?
The only thing good about being a working mom, is not having to put up with a man's bs when I come home.
I am a working mom and I. HATE. IT. I hate every minute of leaving them in the care of someone else. My mom watches my kids so I dont even have to deal with daycare and I still hate it. I miss them and I wish I was the one teaching them, playing with them, watching them grow and even wiping their butts. The reality is though, that I have to work for our family to survive. We do not live above our means. Just check to check to keep the bills paid and food on the table. Trust me, if I could give up my job I would.
If you have family/friends who provide great childcare or can afford great childcare otherwise, then good for you. However, most working moms do it to support their family not out of choice of leaving their kids in a group of little kids with minimum wage paid workers trying to oversee it all. Sad that raising your own kids has become a luxury.
I'll see your "most" and raise you a "want". Not everyone would be at home with the white pearls and heels with her head in an oven getting the martini ready for the man of the house...women don't want to work for a living??? geez what century are you people living in?
The cuckoo bird is happy also as it let's others raise its' young.
We could all learn something from the cuckoo.
The reality is most women have to work to make ends meet in the household. So if you have to work, it would make sense to find a job you enjoy. Also as with so many of these bogus studies, look behind the people paying for the study and what they have to gain from the results. The guys behind this one benefit from working moms supporting their business, so don't believe everything you read. My wife and I worked shifts that allowed one of us to be home with the kids, so we could avoid daycare and raise them ourselves. Doesn't work for everybody, but it worked for us.
Bob: this isn't a "study"...it's simply a survey. But countless studies have been done on this subject and about the effects of day care. Your bias ("raise them ourselves" as though working women don't) is showing. Enough with the conspiracy nonsense...you just won't believe the satisfaction of working women simplyl because you don't want to believe it. It doesn't fit into your own prejudices.
I watch this every day, as my daughter struggles to work a 40 hour week, plus two hours commuting each day. She sees her baby for about an hour and a half each day, tops. She hates it, but she and her husband like all the extras in life - a $400K "starter home", Restoration Hardware furnishings, and expensive luxury cars. I stayed home when my children were young, but we had a small, manageable mortgage, hand-me-down furniture, and used cars. My choice suited me, and looking back, I wouldn't trade material items for the backyard picnics, playdough-making on rainy days, and nap-time snuggles. When my daughter looks back, I just hope she's happy with her choices.
Well interesting that your daughter chose a different route despite your fairy tale description of her own childhood. So your own efforts by your own description have yielded a vacuous adult who is a terrible mother in love with material possessions? Now how did a stay at home mother produce that do you suppose?
If the world were to revolve around me, I would love to work part-time and have a job that's not stressful but interesting.
This survey is right on target. I would have loved to have stayed home with my son. but his father passed away suddenly. @!$%# happens. You roll with it. He turned out great.
It is a personal choice, and the concern of nobody except the parent involved. Every family is different, what works for one may not work for another, when we judge other people we show our true colors. I feel sorry for those who think it's their job to judge anyone else.
I became a working mother in 1982 - I can't believe the SAME arguments are happening 40 years later. I would have expected by now that people would accept each other's choices. I did and do like my job and enjoyed being a working parent, but have seen the joy some of my friends experienced staying at home with their kids. Doesn't it somewhat depend on the parent's temperament? My sympathies are with those who wish they could stay home but can't, or want to work but can't.
I guess they didn't ask me :( I'd rather be at home. I leave work to go to work on the house.